Dumb things I've heard at work: The Thread

[jakebonz]

I just overheard this:

If you gotta go more than three hours* to rehab, you better have some alcohol in the car

does not start to describe it


*Pittsburghers like to describe distances in driving time

[GuyIncognito]

Hellooo!


"Fuck you, Jerry! I'm going to blow this fucking place up!".

Crazy old lady I used to work in a factory that said this to the manager. On numerous occasions. She also threatened to blow the courthouse up.

[delmuerte]

This happened earlier this year, and it is extremely nerdy. Title of the email (to everyone in that office) was "TO THE ASSHAT THAT TURNED OFF MY POWER."

Basically, the guy's machine was plugged into a non-working outlet and instead of checking that, he took his whole machine apart, took apart other machines to attempt to replace the part he thought was broken and was attempting to take it home before realized that he forgot to check the most likely issue.

And then wrote everyone about it describing, in detail, all of his dipshit efforts to fix the problem before he realized that it just wasn't on.

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

That was not cool! You just wasted 1.5 hours of my time. Why might you ask?

The non battery backuped ports still worked. This means my monitor (which was also plugged into the UPS) still worked which took my suspicion away from the UPS [uninterruptible power supply] .

First things first I luckily had my laptop so I set that up and got on jabber, etc.. so I could get work done.

Because it is such a PITA [pain in the ass] to bring my comp out here I wanted to figure out whether or not it was the most common problem of a comp not turning on (bad PSU [power supply]). I pulled a PSU out of one of the 2U machines that needed to be RMA'd to see if I could just buy a PSU on my way back home and bring it in tomorrow to fix the issue.

The 2U PSU didn't work. I figured that it could just be the PSU was dead and that might be the reason it was being RMA'd or maybe the server-class PSU didn't like my mobo so I decide to try out the PSU in hutches [another shitty former coworker] old dell (since he has mine now). That one didn't work either. Fearing the worse (motherboard/cpu and or other issues) I decided I should talk to the security guys to see if they will let me bring my comp out.

Bringing crap out of this building in the past has been a big hassle and the people who can sign shit out (not just guys from [our datacenter]) like aren't in until 10 AM and I didn't want to wait 2 hours after my shift. Luckily enough the security guy was cool and said I could bring the system out. So I lug it out to my car (its quite heavy) and come back to the NOC [network operations center]. It then dawned on me maybe it is something with the UPS. For shits and gigles I decided to change my monitor from the 'surge protected' outlet to one of the 'battery protected' outlets and sure enough it won't turn on. I then hit the power button just to find out it was turned off.

The UPS has an analog power button so this thing did not just turn off by itself. Whoever did this not only really pissed me off but also wasted at least 1.5 hours of my time from this whole ordeal. I hope you are happy with yourself!

I also don't like my system being shutdown without the file-systems being properly unmounted either!

One of the founders of the company responded with "He did provide a very good outline for 'steps to take when your computer does not turn on, though!', other than 'check if the computer is plugged in' being step 0."

[Duke Fame]

Boss: Today is going so slow!
Me: (kidding) I'm just glad it's Friday. It is Friday, right?
Boss: Well, it's Friday somewhere.
Me: Um... It's only Wednesday where we're at. I'm prrrrrretty sure it isn't Friday anywhere on the planet right now.
Boss: You don't know that--there are undiscovered islands!

[Geeheeb]

[editorial comment] or did that dude not expect you guys to know what the fucking NOC is?

[soiled depends]

Overheard this:

"What do you call a Paki (somethingsomethingsomething)??? Shit on a stick!"

It's been a long time since I overheard most of a racist joke while on the clock...

[Dr Yail Bloor]

Overheard this:

"What do you call a Paki (somethingsomethingsomething)??? Shit on a stick!"

It's been a long time since I overheard most of a racist joke while on the clock...

Pole vaulter?

[soiled depends]

Overheard this:

"What do you call a Paki (somethingsomethingsomething)??? Shit on a stick!"

It's been a long time since I overheard most of a racist joke while on the clock...

Pole vaulter?

Makes sense I suppose. But I thought it had to do with ice cream or something...maybe it was all just a dream...

[BoraBora]

Video store.

One woman:

"I don't wanna watch this one. It's not in English. It's got words on the bottom and you gotta read 'em."

Other woman:

"Well, it's better than reading a book."

[soiled depends]

Video store.

One woman:

"I don't wanna watch this one. It's not in English. It's got words on the bottom and you gotta read 'em."

Other woman:

"Well, it's better than reading a book."

[Dr Yail Bloor]

'Tuna is not fish its meat, look its called tuna STEAK...that means its meat'...

[delmuerte]

[editorial comment] or did that dude not expect you guys to know what the fucking NOC is?

[MANTIS]

Video store.

One woman:

"I don't wanna watch this one. It's not in English. It's got words on the bottom and you gotta read 'em."

Other woman:

"Well, it's better than reading a book."

[SHOOTME]

A few months back we had an E-mail sent to the entire company from this bozo in the warehouse. He had a problem with another worker, and decided it was a good idea to call him out in an E-mail so everybody could read it and get involved. Needless to say, he was a dumbass and let go shortly after. Here is the E-mail he sent:

Subject: NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED

FOR SOME REASON THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT SEEM LIKE THEY ARE BETTER THAT OTHERS AND JUDGE PEOPLE BEFORE THEY EVEN KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT A PERSON OR A SITUATION. AND AS TIME GOES ON IT BEGINS TO CAUSE PROBLEMS OR EVEN PISS PEOPLE OFF THAT THEY FEEL LIKE CALLING THAT PERSON OUT ON THERE STUFF. I HAVE LEARNED IN MY 30 YEARS THAT IT IS GOOD TO TALK ABOUT THINGS BEFORE YOU ACT ON THEM BECAUSE IF I DON’T THEN I MAY DO SOMETHING I REGRET. I ALSO SEE THAT WE AS A COMPANY DON’T DESERVE TO BE DISRESPSCTED OR BEING TALKED ABOUT IN SUCH A MANNER THAT SOME MAY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE EVEN WORKING HERE. THE REASON I SAY ALL THIS IS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE AND SEE THAT OTHERS MAY HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING THINGS IN ORDER TO AVOID CONFRONTATION BECAUSE IT IS A WORK PLACE SO I WILL STEP OUT AND SAY IT MYSELF. IF YOU CHRIS HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MYSELF OR ANYONE HERE I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY IT TO SOMEONES FACE BECAUSE ALL I SEE IS A COWARD WHO CAN’T BACK THE BULLCRAP YOU TALK. YOU MAY SAY ME A CRAP TALKER, WOW! ITS TRUE. BUT I DO REALIZE THAT WE AS PEOPLE ALWAYS DON’T SEE OUR STUFF THAT OTHERS MAY SEE. I HOPE YOU CAN COMPREHEND ALL THAT HAS BEEN SAID HERE BECAUSE I HOPE IT WILL MAKE AN IMPACT ON YOU AND HELP YOU TO CHANGE YOUR DISRESPECTFUL, ARROGANT WAYS YOU HAVE TOWARDS PEOPLE HERE. SO SINCE YOU DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM EXPRESSING YOU FEELINGS ALL THE TIME I GUESS I WILL TAKE THIS CHANCE MYSELF TO DO THE SAME. HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!

[MANTIS]

Holy shit, that hurt my brain. That person is over 30?

YOU MAY SAY ME A CRAP TALKER, WOW!

Fuck.

[SHOOTME]

Holy shit, that hurt my brain. That person is over 30?

YOU MAY SAY ME A CRAP TALKER, WOW!

Fuck.

I may say that he's also a crap writer too, WOW!

[THE KILL]

Video store.

One woman:

"I don't wanna watch this one. It's not in English. It's got words on the bottom and you gotta read 'em."

Other woman:

"Well, it's better than reading a book."

Yeah that made my head hurt as well. I actually refuse to believe that there's scum on this planet that fucking retarded.

[MANTIS]

Seen Skycrawlers yet? It's out but I'm broke. Ack.

[St. Hillaire]

A customer looking at the ice cream prices asked me what size a pint was, pronouncing it so as to rhyme with Slint. I just said it was a "pine't", there was a long pause and she asked for a small cookies 'n cream.

I probably have much better customer stories, but fuck it.

[CHUFFED beyond necropsy]

A former boss once told me, "Let's clean this place up, so it actually looks like white people work here."

Also, at the same job, i had a co-worker give me the spiel about how there were no dinosaurs, God just put the fossils there to test us.

[Syringe in Mouth]

Worked for an art school many months ago. Lady called up furious about our catalog over a nude painting one of the teachers made. Her exact words:

"This is unacceptable! Really, I can't believe you actually would print something like this. My 19 year old daughter saw it!"

[BoraBora]

Video store.

One woman:

"I don't wanna watch this one. It's not in English. It's got words on the bottom and you gotta read 'em."

Other woman:

"Well, it's better than reading a book."

Yeah that made my head hurt as well. I actually refuse to believe that there's scum on this planet that fucking retarded.

And then I said:

"Thanks and that will be due back next Thursday by 6pm, Mrs. Thurber."

[jakebonz]

OH SNAP

[Bored Sr.]

This happened earlier this year, and it is extremely nerdy. Title of the email (to everyone in that office) was "TO THE ASSHAT THAT TURNED OFF MY POWER."

Basically, the guy's machine was plugged into a non-working outlet and instead of checking that, he took his whole machine apart, took apart other machines to attempt to replace the part he thought was broken and was attempting to take it home before realized that he forgot to check the most likely issue.

And then wrote everyone about it describing, in detail, all of his dipshit efforts to fix the problem before he realized that it just wasn't on.

SPOILERSPOILER_SHOW

That was not cool! You just wasted 1.5 hours of my time. Why might you ask?

The non battery backuped ports still worked. This means my monitor (which was also plugged into the UPS) still worked which took my suspicion away from the UPS [uninterruptible power supply] .

First things first I luckily had my laptop so I set that up and got on jabber, etc.. so I could get work done.

Because it is such a PITA [pain in the ass] to bring my comp out here I wanted to figure out whether or not it was the most common problem of a comp not turning on (bad PSU [power supply]). I pulled a PSU out of one of the 2U machines that needed to be RMA'd to see if I could just buy a PSU on my way back home and bring it in tomorrow to fix the issue.

The 2U PSU didn't work. I figured that it could just be the PSU was dead and that might be the reason it was being RMA'd or maybe the server-class PSU didn't like my mobo so I decide to try out the PSU in hutches [another shitty former coworker] old dell (since he has mine now). That one didn't work either. Fearing the worse (motherboard/cpu and or other issues) I decided I should talk to the security guys to see if they will let me bring my comp out.

Bringing crap out of this building in the past has been a big hassle and the people who can sign shit out (not just guys from [our datacenter]) like aren't in until 10 AM and I didn't want to wait 2 hours after my shift. Luckily enough the security guy was cool and said I could bring the system out. So I lug it out to my car (its quite heavy) and come back to the NOC [network operations center]. It then dawned on me maybe it is something with the UPS. For shits and gigles I decided to change my monitor from the 'surge protected' outlet to one of the 'battery protected' outlets and sure enough it won't turn on. I then hit the power button just to find out it was turned off.

The UPS has an analog power button so this thing did not just turn off by itself. Whoever did this not only really pissed me off but also wasted at least 1.5 hours of my time from this whole ordeal. I hope you are happy with yourself!

I also don't like my system being shutdown without the file-systems being properly unmounted either!

One of the founders of the company responded with "He did provide a very good outline for 'steps to take when your computer does not turn on, though!', other than 'check if the computer is plugged in' being step 0."

Reminds me of this:

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4401085

[doubleblumpkin]

"How do you mop floors?"